So I did end up eating yesterday. A lot, actually, at the end of the day. But when I went to bed, instead of feeling done with the not eating I was just more determined. So I got up, weighed, found that I'd still dropped weight and kept at it.
I did go to popsicles with the roommate but I got the lowest calorie one and so I'm at 87 calories for the day.
I'm still planning to not eat for as long as I can stand and then break the fast with yogurt because heart burn.
Therapy tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. She never notices anything so I'm not worried on that front. And I don't think I'll really have to be for a while now, given what I weigh.
I keep reminding myself that I'm a long way from seeing bodily changes and that it's okay if the numbers are only thing I can really go by for now. Also that having grit and plowing through the bad days is way more important than any fuck up.
It's funny though, because there are other changes. Mostly behavioral. Like wanting to wash my hands and brush my teeth immediately after I eat anything at all. It's weird how fast that stuff rears its head.
Anyway, more tomorrow.